And so, it has finally come to this day - the very moment where I would have to temporarily part with my baby and leave her into another person's hands (i.e. the caretaker). *sniffs & sobs*
I used to have no worries. In the past I used to think that if I ever have a baby, my parents or my husband's parents would willingly help us in taking care of our baby. Hence, it never really did occurred to me that I would have to engage in any babysitter service, at all.
However, unexpected things do happen (this is life!!). Little did I thought/expect that both my parents and in laws are not in the perfect condition to do so at this moment. Well, sometimes you have got no choice...
did consider the option of being a SAHM before, however I felt like I just
couldn't give up being a FTWM. With the continuous and ever rising living costs, plus
the amount of wants I have; I seriously cannot give up my full-time job! Both hubby & I needs to work to earn money and more money, sadly. :(
Earlier this morning, I packed my breast milk supply (to last for about 1-2 weeks feed) in a huge Coleman cooler box and we set off to the babysitter's place.
It is actually not a lot to show off about, but I am proud enough to be able to save up this much and continue to provide for my baby. Truth is I am a low supply mum (never exceeded 3oz per pumping session), hence each and every single drop of my breast milk is just too precious!!!
This picture can really serve as a good reminder/motivation for me to persevere on my breast feeding journey! #yukanduit #kipidap #dongibap
Somehow I felt glad and relieved that my baby was in a happy mood this morning. She kept smiling & giggling, and was pretty chatty. She brought joy to us all. :)
She gave me this super cute baby look...
Then I was like omg why you so cute, why you do this to me, how is mummy ever gonna leave you here and just go back home by myself?!?! *in love, cries, repeat*
hubs went off to work after dropping us off at the babysitter's place. But I
remained there to brief on some stuffs, observe for a while and also
just to make sure that she is okay and not too fussy.
All is well.
Though she cried a little as she was hungry, which I subsequently direct latched her before she drifted off to sleep. Aww. So peaceful and lovely.
I had to admit that initially I was a lil' bit worried that she may not get use to it (y'know the new environment and all). It was unnecessary lol.
BUT I'M STILL WORRIED WTF.
Upon settling the baby and seeing how well-versed my babysitter is, I left the place with the comfort and peace of mind that my baby is in good hands. Yes, with an extremely heavy heart of course! *sobs*
I took Uber home (really good experience!) in a heavy rain condition, pump out some milk, had a late home-cooked lunch and took a long nap. Felt great being able to take some ME-time, like finally! This was supposed to be my cooling-off period / testing-out phase as I will be resuming work in a week's time.
What I don't understand is, my boobs went into some sort of milk frenzy. I was feeling engorged for the whole freaking time and had to pump like a mad woman for every 2 hours (even more frequent than when baby is around)!!!
My boobs are just so freaking engorged and it is like constantly sending signal waves to my brain telling me to nurse my baby more than ever. *feeling pain*
Right now I am just trying hard not to feel so emotional, not to let my feelings overwhelm me and cry endless river of tears.
In fact, I am just wondering how long I can last before suddenly breakdown and cry from missing my baby way too much!
My only comfort now is from knowing that my baby is getting my breast milk. So I really gotta hardworkingly pump away~ Like a milk cow~~ *moooooooo*
Ok gotta go for my next pumping session ya. Ciao~
I couldn't even last a day before breaking down into tears! I failed miserably in trying to keep myself busy (so that I can go through life without missing her so badly) as the engorgement pain kept reminding me of her & how great it is to have her around to relieve me... How am I gonna survive this?!?! T___T