My poor soul

Today I finally realized how I have been dishonest and lying to myself all these while. T____T

When I am unhappy, I lie (to myself and to everyone else) and put up a happy face + happy tone of voice, so that no one would realized that I'm actually not wtf.

When I am sad, I conceal it as much as I could and pretend to be strong and instead put up a good front wtf.

When I don't like certain things that I received/get, I tried making myself like em' and feel happy about it wtf.

Nonsense right? -_-"

I convince myself how much happy I am, how much I like certain things, how much this, how much that... But after some time, I realized it's all untrue (mostly)!

I made myself believe that things are right, love is true, feelings are real, etc...

Sometimes I find myself really good at putting up poker face. Damn.

Perhaps it is due to my current job, that I have learnt this trade. It's like being instilled in me and I can't get rid of it dammit. I lie and lie and lie, to my poor self...

It does have it's own pros and cons though. :/

What a fool I have been. For doing all these things.

I should have admitted and be honest with my own feelings.

But WHY?

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:(

Only people who truly care & concern about me will naturally and eventually detect it (with a fast rate!).

Sometimes I find it really amazing how I can NEVER hide anything from both of my parents. Trust me, they would know if something is wrong. That's the power of parents! Strange but magical. :)


p.s. This is my first time blogging from my mobile, in hoping that the layout would turn out pleasant for my beloved readers to view. Really sorry if it's not. - Posted using BlogPress